a dirty little secret.

I 've kept a dirty little secret for so many years. As a little girl, I fought back so many tears. It started with a rub and whispering of sweet nothings in my ear. None of it did absolutely anything for me. Comprehension was lacking. I did not understand. He was a boy, not yet a man. I knew what was happening was wrong because he only visited in the dark of the night. Every time that we would depart, he would leave his mark. He left me and I always felt dirty. It has taken me my entire life to accept the actuality of those moments. It is very possible to create an altered reality. Even as an adult, the words were rather hard to say. I still struggle with this being a very real thing. Was it just a teenager being a teenager? Was it something that I could have done differently? My little body was not prepared for anything that was happening. My mind could not grasp any of those sick and twisted concepts. I liked playing dolls so when he said house, I thought it would be fun. But it was different because he never had toys, not a single one. This is the second time that I've ever discussed this. Maybe, someone else needs this.

Someone needs to know that it isn't your fault. You didn't deserve that.

Silence is a result of fear. Liberate your thoughts and your heart will soon follow.

It gets better with time, they said. I just don't think they had these type of situations in mind.

A dirty little secret is what I have. I will carry it with me. When I want, I'll leave it behind. I can throw it away and pick it back up as I need to.

We all have secrets and some may just need to be continually worked through.

Love and light,

Love Vixen 💛