Honesty, because it’s what we owe to ourselves.
❤
It all started with a simple question...
"Are you afraid to be happy?"
At first, I laughed at the thought of it. Silly question, I thought to myself. The room became still. Time didn't pass. The question was valid.
Surely, everyone is seemingly living to find their forever happy. Right? I mean.. I am. Aren't I?
Crap. I really might be afraid to be genuinely happy. The anxiety is mounting just thinking about it. Happy. No worries? No stressors? No fears? No disappointments? Happy. Sounds suspect.
I've always been that person that battles with living in the moment because I'm already preparing for the next one. Imagine being asked at the age of 13 of what your worst fear is and you respond "that I won't have memories because I was too consumed with what was to come for the future." What a teen. Right? They probably blamed puberty but it was so much more there and to come.
We've been conditioned to always look for the next best thing. If you're like me, anything that feels like settling causes anxiety. Boom. Now, the panic sets in. Self sabotage. Why not? It's the easiest way out. If you don't disappoint yourself, someone else will. Right?
It's insane to think about the amount of times that I've got in the way of my own happiness. It's also sad that sometimes I don't even know if happiness is an attainable thing. Or maybe, I just tell myself that so I don't expect it?
Man. I'm one walking conundrum.
How can something be as beautiful as they are a mess (at the same time)? Because, that's me.
The irony of it all is that I encourage everyone (literally) to follow their happiness. I am that friend that will wholeheartedly pump you up and root for you along the way.
I've actually had the pleasure of meeting people that are happy. I've met people who don't worry about anyone or anything. Honestly, I envy them a tad. What a gem. God's word teaches us to place our contentment in Him. There are literally a million reasons why the Bible tells us not to worry. What do I do? Do it anyway.
Bye Felicia. (Ugh- over myself)
I've literally seen people so happy that it looks like they're floating on air. They love and allow others to love them back. They demand it. They expect reciprocity.
I've discovered that I love people and I do all in my power to tell and show them. Receiving love is something that I am not good at.
Truthfully, I sound like a coward that will not allow myself to be happy. It almost sounds selfish. I know what I deserve but will I allow that to manifest? I mean, I will have to in order to be happy.
I'm too much of a coward to not be afraid of being happy. I'm too much of a coward to let anyone close to me to be a part of that picture. I'm too much of a coward but to be anything but alone.
Alone feels safe when you've been hurt. It's comfy. There is no deception there. There are no secrets. Everything is and nothing is hidden. It gets really dark sometimes. Yes, it does get cold. But... it's safe.
Yes, I am absolutely terrified of being completely and truly happy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that is terrified of it actually happening. Lmbooooo. I mean, what is life?
I am petrified of someone loving me back. The thought of someone wholeheartedly loving me has me SHOOK. I am scared of waking up everyday looking forward to spending my life with someone else. AHHH! But, man that sounds beautiful. It sounds dreamy. I've lost that sense of self along the way. Many years ago, this very thing helped me sleep at night knowing that it would one day happen.
It's sad that anyone would be afraid of any of this.
What's to blame? Heartbreak(s). Dissapointment(s). Trauma (s). Fear(s). Childhood (s). Hormone (s). Ourselves. The possibilities are endless.
Everyone deserves happiness (including me AND you).
This year, I'm challenging myself and anyone else that would like to join to be open to love, happiness, and any and everything else that is inherently good.
You are worthy of love. You are valued. You are magic. You are thunder. You are the brightest sunflower in the world.
You are you and that will always be your power.
Farwell to anticipating the worst. Greetings to expecting and walking in our very best.
Honesty, because it's what we owe to ourselves.
Until we meet again,
- Love Vixen
It all started with a simple question...
"Are you afraid to be happy?"
At first, I laughed at the thought of it. Silly question, I thought to myself. The room became still. Time didn't pass. The question was valid.
Surely, everyone is seemingly living to find their forever happy. Right? I mean.. I am. Aren't I?
Crap. I really might be afraid to be genuinely happy. The anxiety is mounting just thinking about it. Happy. No worries? No stressors? No fears? No disappointments? Happy. Sounds suspect.
I've always been that person that battles with living in the moment because I'm already preparing for the next one. Imagine being asked at the age of 13 of what your worst fear is and you respond "that I won't have memories because I was too consumed with what was to come for the future." What a teen. Right? They probably blamed puberty but it was so much more there and to come.
We've been conditioned to always look for the next best thing. If you're like me, anything that feels like settling causes anxiety. Boom. Now, the panic sets in. Self sabotage. Why not? It's the easiest way out. If you don't disappoint yourself, someone else will. Right?
It's insane to think about the amount of times that I've got in the way of my own happiness. It's also sad that sometimes I don't even know if happiness is an attainable thing. Or maybe, I just tell myself that so I don't expect it?
Man. I'm one walking conundrum.
How can something be as beautiful as they are a mess (at the same time)? Because, that's me.
The irony of it all is that I encourage everyone (literally) to follow their happiness. I am that friend that will wholeheartedly pump you up and root for you along the way.
I've actually had the pleasure of meeting people that are happy. I've met people who don't worry about anyone or anything. Honestly, I envy them a tad. What a gem. God's word teaches us to place our contentment in Him. There are literally a million reasons why the Bible tells us not to worry. What do I do? Do it anyway.
Bye Felicia. (Ugh- over myself)
I've literally seen people so happy that it looks like they're floating on air. They love and allow others to love them back. They demand it. They expect reciprocity.
I've discovered that I love people and I do all in my power to tell and show them. Receiving love is something that I am not good at.
Truthfully, I sound like a coward that will not allow myself to be happy. It almost sounds selfish. I know what I deserve but will I allow that to manifest? I mean, I will have to in order to be happy.
I'm too much of a coward to not be afraid of being happy. I'm too much of a coward to let anyone close to me to be a part of that picture. I'm too much of a coward but to be anything but alone.
Alone feels safe when you've been hurt. It's comfy. There is no deception there. There are no secrets. Everything is and nothing is hidden. It gets really dark sometimes. Yes, it does get cold. But... it's safe.
Yes, I am absolutely terrified of being completely and truly happy.
I'm a hopeless romantic that is terrified of it actually happening. Lmbooooo. I mean, what is life?
I am petrified of someone loving me back. The thought of someone wholeheartedly loving me has me SHOOK. I am scared of waking up everyday looking forward to spending my life with someone else. AHHH! But, man that sounds beautiful. It sounds dreamy. I've lost that sense of self along the way. Many years ago, this very thing helped me sleep at night knowing that it would one day happen.
It's sad that anyone would be afraid of any of this.
What's to blame? Heartbreak(s). Dissapointment(s). Trauma (s). Fear(s). Childhood (s). Hormone (s). Ourselves. The possibilities are endless.
Everyone deserves happiness (including me AND you).
This year, I'm challenging myself and anyone else that would like to join to be open to love, happiness, and any and everything else that is inherently good.
You are worthy of love. You are valued. You are magic. You are thunder. You are the brightest sunflower in the world.
You are you and that will always be your power.
Farwell to anticipating the worst. Greetings to expecting and walking in our very best.
Honesty, because it's what we owe to ourselves.
Until we meet again,
- Love Vixen
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